2018 really did THAT, huh?
Every year around this time I get really reflective. Maybe it’s the promise of a new year and fresh new beginnings, the lie to myself that I’ll become a new person with the tick of the clock on January 1st or maybe it’s just who I am as a person.
Either way, 2018 has been a Whole Thing™. When I look back at this year, I find it almost astounding how much has happened. January seems so long ago and since then my life has been full of highs and lows in so many ways.
From a seemingly never-ending legal battle to heartbreak, new love, self-love and new or blossoming friendships, so much has happened. I lost my way and brought myself back, and right now I’ve never been more appreciative to have such wonderful friends around me. I love every single one of them and that is one thing I’ll get soppy for.
2018 was the year I really struggled with my mental health including finally seeking help which has been coming for a long time. You can read about my experience in group CBT here should you want, with another post to come soon on my experience in one-on-one behavioural activation therapy. While I spent much of this year low, I learnt some really helpful techniques. Moods are becoming much easier to manage and I’m really seeking clarity in a lot of things, which helps.
I can also compare to previous years and see how much I’ve grown as a person. Yes, I’ve been low this year and done stupid things to stop myself from feeling. However, even in my lowest period recently I’ve managed to stop, look at what I’m doing, worry about the consequences and act sensibly, even if I think I’m back on my same old bullshit. The fact I’m even stopping and thinking about the consequences means I can see the growth in myself, and that makes me happier than I’ve been in a long time.
I have so many things to be thankful for this year, even if I lose them sometimes. My blog has brought me paid work and I’ve collaborated with so many brands I love including Lovehoney, Smilemakers and Panasonic! I went back to LondonEdge twice, hit up Download Festival, 2000 Trees and Victorious Festival, and just had some really incredible times that I need to remember.
I’m not about to get all soppy on you and say how 2019 is going to be a time for new beginnings! It’s not, and I’ve come to realise that as a person. A new year doesn’t mean you can reinvent yourself into someone you’re not. For me, the new year means I can hopefully continue to grow, become stronger and better and step up to who I should be. I’m going to set myself some goals, hopefully complete them and really just keep trying my hardest at life.
2018, you’ve been a bitch. You’ve tested me and pushed me and really tried to break me. But you haven’t, and I’m ready for everything that’s about to be thrown at me in the next year to come.
Photo credit: Bryoni Burns Photography