Hey, you. It’s been a long few months, hasn’t it?
In your last letter
, you mentioned things irrevocably changing for the worse. They got even worse again.
You’ve been through a lot over the past few years. People said adulthood would be difficult, but they didn’t say at times it would leave you feeling more alone than ever before, unlovable and quite frankly, miserable.
They always say it gets worse to get better. That’s happened before. Right now it’s worse.
You got diagnosed with depression, anxiety and borderline personality disorder this year. That’s the worse. But it’ll get better. You’re starting to work through the shit in your past and in your head and that’s not going to be easy, but in the long run it’ll be worth it.
Your heart is broken right now, but it’s repaired itself before and it’ll do it again. Even when you thought you’d lost all hope, things still got better. And they will again, but you have to work for it. Can you do that?
I think you can. You’re starting therapy sessions soon to help with that. You might have to break yourself down to build back up again, but that’s what it’s all about. Even though you feel like shit right now, you’re making positive changes in your life to try and sort yourself out.
You need to remember that everything you feel is valid. Some things you might be feeling because of your mental health, and some things might be legit, but everything you feel is a valid feeling and that’s ok.
Your friends want to help you. I know you hate it when they walk on eggshells around you, but try and remember they’re only doing it because they care. Don’t snap at them for wanting to help you.
Stop putting yourself in stupid situations because you think it’ll help you feel something. In the short term it might provide that small hit you crave, but in the long term you’ll just feel worse about yourself and that’s not what we’re trying to do. Find the strength within you to make the sensible decision, even if it’s not what you think you want.
Your panic attacks are going to start again. There are going to be things you can’t control and questions you won’t have the answers to. You’re going to have to accept that and try and move on.
The two people you’ve ever loved most will walk away from you in the space of a few months. Your heart will break over and over again but you have to take responsibilities for your actions and stop driving people away.
At times you’re going to feel like all you want to do is die, or give up. Talk to someone, please.
You’re going to face some new struggles, but you’ve made it through everything so far and you’ll make it through this.
Here’s to dropping the stigma on mental health awareness week.