Body confidence is something I, amongst almost everyone I know, have struggled with constantly for my life. When you spend all day, every day inside your own body, it’s easy to find what you think are flaws, or things you simply dislike about yourself and wish were different.
I could spend hours listing things about myself I don’t like. I don’t like how I get crazy double chins, I don’t like my stomach bulge, I don’t like how one boob is bigger than the other, I don’t like the way my hips stick out. However, the older I get, the more I realise that these are things EVERYONE has. What I dislike about myself is something that wouldn’t change if I was someone else, because these things happen to other people too. And if I find these “flaws” attractive on other people, why should that mean they’re not attractive on me?
One thing that always confused me the most was how easily my opinion on my body can change when my body doesn’t change that much at all. As long as I can remember I’ve been a size 12. I’m sure at one point I must have been smaller, but as soon as my boobs started coming in when I was about 13 and I grew an arse, that was it – size 12 fo lyf.
Of course, my body has changed over the years – my boobs kept growing, and when I thought they were done they grew a bit more. I kept getting taller til I hit a stop at 5″10 when I was about 14. I always used to be uncomfortable with my height, towering over most of the girls in my school. As I’ve grown up, my confidence has grown and these days, you’ll be lucky to find me in shoes with less than a 2″ platform on them! I’ve generally gained and lost weight over the years, though never fluctuating much – generally staying on average at about 10st and never going more than 1st either side of that.
Some days are the kind of days where I can pose in my lingerie in front of a camera and love myself. Others, I can’t imagine anything worse than looking in the mirror. One thing I will say is that clothes that fit and make you feel confident are everything.
I will give full credit to my BFF Perri for never giving up on pestering me to wear clothes that actually fit instead of hiding under baggy tshirts, because (at least for me) there is no better feeling than wearing something both fitted and flattering and realising you actually look good and you wasted years in XXL tshirts to try and hide your body. Here’s to the vast array of crop tops in my wardrobe that 15 year old me would never have even imagined wearing!
In the name of learning to love myself, here is me embracing that I can look damn good despite the things that I don’t like about myself, because I’m slowly learning that one day I’ll be able to accept my body as it is, and that’s ok.
You do you. xo