Did you know as of 2017, 1 in every 10 women admitted to faking an orgasm at least once a week? The Faking Orgasm Scale For Women broke down four main reasons why women fake orgasms; to get sex to end, to not hurt their partner’s feelings, to feel more aroused themselves and because they are scared they cant reach an orgasm.
On faking an orgasm in the past
Personally I know in the past I have faked orgasms to not hurt my partner’s feelings and because I was scared I couldn’t reach an orgasm through penetration. I think, as a woman, it’s natural to assume faking an orgasm is the easy way out. What seems to be the standard progression of things is that sex ends when people come so to hold your hands up and boldly say “I want this sex to end even though I haven’t had an orgasm” can be really difficult, especially because your partner might assume that you didn’t enjoy yourself because you didn’t come.
That’s definitely not always the case; while it can be for some people, myself included, I can have great sex and not finish at the end; sometimes it just happens, and I still find it difficult to orgasm without clitoral stimulation. These days I just don’t lie about it and I’m open and honest.
This was actually something that took me years to fully achieve which I didn’t do until my current partner. That’s not to say I’ve never had an orgasm. I learned from a young age that I find it much easier to orgasm through clitoral stimulation, which I know is the same for a lot of people with vaginas I know.
Bringing sex toys into the bedroom
For me, bringing sex toys into the bedroom is the best way for me to climax, but finding that out was a learning curve. Some of the best sex toys* I own are simple cheap vibrators or wrist ties that my partner and I use together. Having spent years exploring my own body and learning what I enjoy and what gets me off has led to a more fulfilling sex life. Studies have actually shown that the act of faking an orgasm could lead to a decline in communication in the bedroom and I am strongly of the belief communication is key.
The same study also showed that 25% of men believed their (female) partners orgasm more often than they do. The link between faking orgasms (aka not communicating how to actually get you off in the bedroom) and an unfulfilled sex life is undeniable; we need to be more open with our partners. And it’s not just people with vaginas, either. Another study showed that men aged 18-29 faked orgasms in around a quarter of sexual encounters with their current sexual partners.
Communication is key
Communicating what you and your partner like in the bedroom is key; whether that’s experimenting with sex toys, vanilla sex, kinks or anything in between. Start slow; good sex begins with learning how to fuck yourself; quite literally. You might be new to sex, or have masturbated for years. That’s great! You know how to get yourself off. The next, arguably harder step, is communicating this to your sexual partner but the pay off is worth it. Tell them what you like, show them how to do it, just let them know what works for you.
And if they say it’s too difficult, or it takes too long, or it’s effort, then they’re not worth it. Simple facts. You deserve to both be fulfilled.
*Disclaimer: This post was sponsored by Sintimacy, however all views are my own.